I believe strongly that couples should discuss important subjects before committing to spend the rest of their lives together. I can't tell you the number of couples I have met who didn't discuss things like: 1) whether they wanted to have children or the timing of when they would have children; 2) what religion their children would be; 3) where they would live; 4) any health issues that might affect their spouse; 5) attitudes about money and debt...and on and on.

When you are dating, even seriously dating, it seems reasonable to me that there are things you might not discuss. But before deciding to get engaged or married - topics like those listed above are essential to discuss.

But here is the thing - I just read an article where (I kid you not) the author listed the things she felt you should discuss before getting married and the questions (fill in the blank style) covered such minutae as "Being teachable means..." and "The kind of work ethic I want in my mate is...". Marriage is going to throw you lots and lots of curveballs. You cannot and should not attempt to discuss everything. You should discuss big issues but generally speaking, marriage is going to be about compromise. A wise couple of more than 60 years or marriage (Bud and Evelyne Johnson - see their clips) once said - marriage is a 90/10 proposition. Each person should be trying to GIVE 90% of the time, and if both people are doing that, you will be happy.

You can not discuss everything. If you feel like you are going to regret not having discussed what "being teachable" means before getting married - DON'T GET MARRIED. and if you know so little about the person that you don't know if their work ethic is alligned with what you feel is important - DON'T GET MARRIED.

Remember - discuss the big issues and otherwise focus so much on your spouse that your goal is to make them happy on all the small stuff. That doesn't mean one person being a GIVER and the other being a TAKER will work. It won't. But both of you be GIVERS and you will both be happy. It is much more fun to get what you want because someone GIVES it to you than to get what you want because you have to TAKE it.